We have gotten lost in the art of knowing how to develop and hold a conversation. This was bound to happen with the introduction of social media and there being an assumption that visuals are the precedent of what is and is not. So the basis of observation and over analyzation have become people’s natural extent to either not engage in conversation or approach a matter in an off putting way. Either way, I don’t like it. So here’s to navigating the basics of conversation so we don’t have to be irritated.

The correct way to develop any conversation will always be with a polite greeting and introduction of yourself. A simple, “Hi, my name is ____. What is yours?” + a compliment or comment on the scenery will certainly do the trick. I cannot stress the importance of open-ended questions such as, “What brought you here today?” or statements like “Tell me about your day.” No one wants to feel like they’re in an interview with yes/no answers.

Dialogue is key. Remember that for every statement, there is a follow-up. To sustain a conversation, hone in on active listening. It is rude to converse with someone while looking at your phone or elsewhere so maintain eye contact and pay attention. Reiterating the “Tell me more” — an easy way to practice while you evolve.

Avoid interrupting and rushing to give a relatable story about yourself right after; allow the other party to feel seen but know when to pivot. In order to ensure a healthy dialogue, relax and let it flow effortlessly and make an effort to contribute equally. Humor and light-hearted remarks can build rapport, while moments of silence are normal and allow for reflection. Respect differing opinions and respond with empathy to keep the dialogue positive.

Each conversation is an opportunity to learn and connect. Approach discussions with curiosity and authenticity to build valuable relationships. I assure you taking heed to The Art Of Conversation will enhance both your personal and professional life.

I love real estate because of the many avenues that one may enter into the field. Real estate is an essential tool to building wealth in every lifetime and a necessity for everyone. One of the methods to acquiring this tool is through purchasing tax sales.

Properties via tax sales are sold when the owner has passed due property taxes. These properties are available for purchase through a bid. However, right of redemption period is one year; owner has a year to get their property back. During that time period, you cannot even go on the property (not supposed to).

If the prior owner does purchase the property back, they owe you what you paid at bid plus 20% interest. If they fail to pay you back, they have not completed the redemption process. That process must be done within the first year of the redemption period. If not, an additional 10% will be added, and/or barment proceedings will be initiated (legal process to bar/terminate owners right of redemption).

You can acquire a list of tax sale properties via tax commissioner website. It is imperative for you to do your research on all properties prior to bid. The last thing you want to do is bid on a property with more complex title/lien issues, municipal violations, and/or legal challenges. That may ultimately delay your ability to profit within an efficient timeframe.

The Play:

A. Research interested tax sale properties.
B. Bid > Buy property via tax sale.
C. Wait a year > Proceed with action.

• If owner buys back, you receive more than what you paid for.
• If owner doesn’t buy back, rent it out or sell it for profit.

Either way you win.

I first discovered the severity of maternal mortality in 2021. It seemed that every other month, there would be a news story about the negligence a doctor displayed in delivering birth that ultimately resulted in the loss of a mother and some even the child. Fast forward to 2024 and the issues have only gotten worse.

Maternal mortality rates in the United States have increased year by year with African American moms dying more than 2.5x that of any other ethnicity. The saddest part is that more than 84% of those pregnancy related deaths are preventable.

Multiple factors contribute to these disparities, such as lack of care from healthcare workers; underlying chronic conditions; lack of resources, equality, and support; and the increasing number of C-sections even when they are not called for.

Due to this matter, I have noticed a rise in doulas and midwives with a steady increase back to its roots. The roles of a doula and midwife are essential to a successful pregnancy and childbirth experience. Aside from the certifications, the difference between a doula and a midwife is that Midwives provide medical care for you during pregnancy, birth, and the immediate postpartum period. Doulas provide you and your family with emotional, informational, and physical support throughout the same period.

In an effort to help decrease maternal mortality rates, it is essential to advocate for our soon to be mothers, women seeking to bear children, mothers that have faced complications from pregnancy or childbirth, and mothers that have lost their lives bringing in life.

History Lesson

Midwifery was widely known in Africa and brought to America in the 1600s. In the 1700s, the popularity of hospitals and Doctors started to rise, so in effect to monetize these establishments more, Doctors spread false claims that maternal mortality was due to midwives and their lack of education. When in fact, this was quite the opposite due to obstetrics (obgyn) which was relatively coined a new practice in the 1800s. This practice was experimented most common by Dr. Marion J Sims, an Alabama native, “The Father Of Gynecology” to some, and monster to many.

As a result, there were laws prohibiting the practice of midwifery without certain stipulations. However, the practice still stayed afloat in Black communities and economically deprived areas especially since education and hospitals were segregated until the early to mid 1900s. Later on, the rise of midwives became affluent in middle to upper white class women who sought more control in their birthing experience.

At a certain age, working out becomes a lifestyle or a choice. For some, it’s a joy and others; a nightmare. On the contrary, I deem it as a necessity for stamina and overall maintenance. I get asked all the time about my diet, work-out routine, and how I stay consistent which is why I wanted to shed a light on it.

Back in 2019, I started to notice a change in my metabolism and muscle memory. I was finally slim thick but the arms… you can always tell the discipline in the arms. When I realized this, I went to Pinterest for inspiration and came across a picture of the one and only, Angela Bassett. So I started with a variation of arm exercises for 3 sets of 10 each that consisted of overhead extensions, bicep curls, dumbbell punches, bench press, and my least favorite exercise…burpees. Not only did these exercises hone in on the weight loss and toning of my arms but it also allowed me to go down by 2 cup sizes. Imagine the smile on my face when I walked into Victoria’s Secret and yelled, “I’m back baby! Did ya miss me?!”

While I had a primary motivating factor, I began to adjust my taste buds to accept what was best for me. In addition, I went on a pescatarian diet for four months which resulted in my body not being able to accept beef afterwards, a beautiful glow, defined abs, rapid hair growth, and more energy. After all, you can’t get life from dead things.

Below I’ve incorporated the key pieces in my grocery shopping that keep me in shape. While I’ve incorporated chicken back into my diet, I do advise eating less as possible due to the hormones it contains.

1. Spring water
2. Oatmeal
3. Brussel Sprouts
4. Spinach
5. Kale
6. Broccoli
7. Carrots
8. Mushrooms
9. Bell peppers
10. Sweet potatoes
11. Greek yogurt
12. Tomatoes
13. Black cherries
14. Bananas
15. Mangos
16. Oranges
17. Cashews
18. Shrimp
19. Chicken breast
20. Beans (Black preferably)
21. Olive oil
22. Garlic
23. Cinnamon
24. Lemon
25. Sprouted, whole wheat/grain
26. Popcorn (Light to no butter)

*Keep in mind: lack of moderation in pastries, heavy starches, and bread (not whole wheat) causes gradual hair thinning over time.

The consistency truly has an impact on your confidence, mindset, and overall health. Results do not happen overnight so instill discipline within your journey and watch how pushing through enables you to push yourself to be your best.

One of the hurdles in moving to a new city is establishing aligned, new friendships. Making new friends as an adult can be quite the task within itself due to busy schedules, lifestyle demands, fatigue, past experiences, etc. However, I know it still can be done because I met my closest friend when I moved to Houston (neighbors) and another in Dallas (same hobbies).

Now I will say, I am a multi-dimensional woman and an empath at that. Therefore, when I do like to socialize, I need to be around range to keep frequency. I feel energy at heightened points and know specifically when and what caused a turning point to occur whether bad or good. Leaning on my discernment through navigating encounters is essential. One thing I learned at a young age is there is no one size fits all when it comes to forming your tribe. There are layers, commonalities, and spirits that either mesh or don’t. It’s a prime reason why I prefer getting to know people on a one on one basis for first time encounters rather than in group settings in which everyone has already built rapport amongst the others.

Forming genuine relationships is something that is important to me at this stage in my life, especially being a better friend within them. I value depth, loyalty, and the kind of consistency that does not require explanation. Navigating new cities has taught me that the right people will find you when you are clear on who you are and what you require. May we all continue to find our tribe and sustain those already within it.

People do business with those they like and quite often, those that look like them. So what are the chances of minority women getting funding for their start-ups or businesses?

The purpose of The Fearless Fund is to provide capital to minority women entrepreneurs via an exchange for equity in their company (venture capitalism). What makes this fund even more profound is that it was created by three black women, Keshia Knight Pulliam (Rudy), Arian Simone, and Ayana Parsons. They make up 1% of venture capitalists that are black women. Developing The Fearless Fund made an impact in the obvious disparity between investors available to the community of minority women entrepreneurs, especially those of African American descent. Though we are still fighting the obvious wealth gap and advancement, they face a new hurdle.

After a lengthy history of trying to overturn Affirmative Action thus winning the “Fair Admissions” vs Harvard suit, legal strategist Edward Blum has filed a lawsuit stating that the Fearless Fund violates Section 1981 of the 1866 Civil Rights Act which grants all individuals within the US jurisdiction the same rights and benefits as “enjoyed by white citizens” regarding contractual relationships. He in fact stands by his belief that systematic racism does not exist in the United States…

This fund was created by someone who looks like me for someone like me. In the midst of finally getting more leeway, someone else’s goal is to wipe away history and strip an opportunity to create a level playing field for minority women.

TYPICAL THOUGH UNACCEPTABLE.

If you’re anything like me, then 9 times out of 10, you’re up late at night looking for great deals on the MLS or just real estate in general. One of my New Year’s resolutions was to build my real estate portfolio in order to generate more passive income. So I was thinking of ways that I could invest and own deeds within less than a year and BOOM! Land Bank Homes popped up in my head.

Land bank homes are typically abandoned or vacant homes that are bidded on and in economically deprived areas that need work. Certain states have land bank homes as low as $1,000 and after paying fees such as closing/title, recording, tax certification, property inspection, and title insurance — the total is around $2,000. The caveat to that is you have 6 months to complete the work in order to bring the property up to compliance. An extension of another 6 months can be granted if need be with proper communication.

The bigger the house, more permits, and the longer it’s been sitting; the higher the cost of repairs so this can easily run upwards $20,000 and more. For instance, the water service line in relation to the water main for a home may be inoperable and that alone starts at $10,000 to have the water company come out and reconnect it. However, depending on the severity, structure, and your resources, that cost can be much lower. To avoid this, call the water company that supplies your area of interest to confirm.

If possible, do a walk through of the property, and/or obtain 2 to 3 quotes from contractors prior to submitting your bid. You can either use the contractor companies that some land bank authorities suggest (more expensive) or outsource the work on your own. Several people have received quotes totaling in over $35,000 from the land bank authority and after outsourcing their repairs, they have spent less than $20,000 (bid and fees included).

After thorough research and establishing relationships with developers and real estate investors, I have concluded that the tedious part for projects of this sort is finding good contractors that will not run off with your money. Therefore, do your due diligence; review their past work, have an agreement in place to protect yourself, and ALWAYS pay electronically in case you have to dispute a charge due to bad business and take it to small claim court (standard $85 fee to file a suit).

Over 17 states have land banks and every state has their own unique criteria but the overall process is pretty simple. If funding for the repairs might be a hassle, some states offer programs that will assist and you can always take the property condition report to your bank (preferably credit union) to see what they can do for you especially if you’ve already purchased the property and use it as collateral against the loan. Upon the work being sufficient and completed, you now have the right to do whatever you please with your property (in moderation with zoning, of course).

Today I had the luxury to relax and watch Unprisoned, a Hulu series featuring Kerry Washington. The series is based on her character’s life as a therapist and welcoming her father home from prison. What I like about this show is that it incorporates her inner child into the picture and it takes into consideration her viewpoint.

In 2020, I started my healing journey. Upon looking for a therapist in a new location, I wanted to make sure that I was being proactive with my inner work and not solely relying on someone else. Apart of that inner work was researching and discovering the way trauma affects and alters the brain at a very young age, how much of our identity is wrapped around our experiences, unlearning from bad habits, and different methods to nurse my wounds.

Most minorities from the millennial generation and up do not have the luxury of basking in their childlike essence during that precious timeframe. We have to grow up quick — leaving a void that is left unfulfilled for many years with loads of responsibility placed on top. So the most important method I learned and still incorporate daily is taking care of my inner child. She is the little girl from years ago who did not have a sufficient regard or voice: the child who had a moral compass though could not process things fully into context. She just knew it made her “feel some type of way.”

Having a firm foundation of myself required prioritizing the small joys that made me do a little happy dance, displaying my vulnerability because I knew I was safe within me, digging deep within my triggers and accounting for my why, welcoming my thoughts in my journal, and allowing myself to just be without regard for society’s conformity. I felt like I could truly breathe once I showed up for her. As a woman, it made me proud to know I was experiencing pure happiness and holding myself to a higher regard by standing up for her which also looks like standing firm on my boundaries. Everyone of us has an inner child. I hope you take the time to learn, understand, and nurture them.

While I understand that mental health is still a touchy subject in our community, I feel it is imperative to address the issue. The majority have suffered in silence due to lack of support, shame, and/or not wanting to appear “weak”. To ridicule one for their bravery in coming forward about their mental issues whether intentional or not is disappointing yet it still occurs, even outside of our elders. Once someone comes to the forefront or acts upon their mental state, the damage that their brain has endured is already severe.

Severe depression has been described as a deep, pitch black hole — trapped, with only your thoughts for company. A light appears, then vanishes. You cannot get out of your head, and the more you try to escape, the more your thoughts consume you. Basic tasks like showering, cooking, holding a conversation, or even praying become monumental.

In order to pull one’s self out of that hole, the first step is gathering the strength to educate oneself on mental illness and/or find a therapist especially as it relates to trauma in the brain. If I could not grasp the control of my emotions or navigate my thoughts, obtaining knowledge is key while in search of professional help. Next — make a list of healthy and positive things that make you happy so you can incorporate that on a daily basis. Then start welcoming your good and bad thoughts with gratitude. As far as the bad thoughts, exercise your discipline by not acting on them but assessing them. Don’t be afraid to schedule time out to sit with those thoughts and feel your emotions. The more you push it down, the more resistant and aggressive it becomes over time.

The goal is not to keep busy nor pick-up another task to clutter the mind but to get a hold of your mind so that you can function properly and take better care of yourself then everything/one can fall into place.

In respect to relationships, a boundary to incorporate is asking “Do you have the mental capacity to consume my problems right now?” This gives the other party an opportunity to assess whether their own mental load is at capacity while allowing yourself to hold respect and consideration for those you care about as well. It is possible for a person to be a safe space but not have the capacity to listen to your problems at the time and that is okay. Hence the need for finding the right therapist and/or healthy outlet to release your emotions so that it does not stay bottled up in your system which can lead to autoimmune diseases, etc down the line.

Be gentle with yourself and those around you.

I can wholeheartedly say that I have finally mastered the art of leaving people where they had me messed up at and I must say, it feels so refreshing.

I’m not talking about the ‘some days will be better than others’ ordeal, absolutely not. Genuinely standing firm on my boundaries and standards for all relationships simply because I love me. After two — lack of accountability/amnesia episodes/apologies in a row, you gotta go. I do not have unnecessary time for a break here, break there; weighing out the circumstances and history with a friend or lover; nor overthinking about how to teach grown people how to follow the golden rule.

In contrast, I have listened to those who clung onto friends, lovers, and even family members that disrespect them and had the shoe been on the other foot, they would not accept the treatment at all. Their response in opposition of my detachment is only an excuse to justify the ill behavior because in some way shape or form — they are dependent upon the person that refuses to respect them whether it be mentally, emotionally, physically, or financially. That person is almost always the person I would never want to trade places with. I’m not going through hell for people to get it together.

I have shifted my gears to love those who love me without having to explain the ‘how-to’ and giving my time and energy to those who genuinely want to know me for me, enjoy my corky side just as much as my gem dropping side, and respect when I long for my solitude; NOT those that are inclined to misunderstand me or deem me as a resource to better their situation without mutual interest. Sometimes it’s not about what the person is doing that calls for a discontinuation of a relationship, but what they are not doing or the constant complaining/negativity dump with lack of regard to my own mental state.

At some point, it just clicked: God will keep giving you the same test until you learn your lesson and get it right. You won’t know you’ve truly learned your lesson until you are tested and you naturally decline the toxicity or matter that presents itself because you know it all too well.

So I know how the guys and gals like to tussle…but I want to discuss the infamous Soft Life Era. No other era or phase that women go through or are stuck in has caused so much uproar by those that love to showcase their vendetta or toxic masculinity/femininity against the movement. Society has enabled us to nod our heads to the boss babe, ride or die, hoe phase, etc etc but when it comes to the female collective agreeing that the Hard Knock Life is not the life in which we desire — we are shaking the table.

The Soft Life is about women embodying that you can be assertive and not aggressive, soft spoken and not loud, relax your face and even add a smile without fear of someone thinking they can take advantage of you, politely declining and walking away from all things not meant to serve you versus arguing or worse, and ultimately taking life at ease and enjoyment because it really does not have to be hard.

The Soft Life is NOT solely placing your livelihood in the hands of another or settling for polygamy when one just started reading the Quran and is really unsatisfied and/or worse, broke. We have got to get out of the narrow mindset that soft life means one thing and one thing only. Choosing a life of less stress and more pleasure is a mindset that pours into your way of living. It starts to show in the way you speak, present yourself, handle your matters, your self care, and engulfs you.